entomophobia.

Entomophobia noun - a morbid fear of insects

I have the above phobia. Real bad. I am morbidly afraid of  the following: bees, flies, wasps, ants, daddy long legs, any and all types of spiders really, ladybugs, crickets, praying mantises, worms, hornets, leaf bugs, every single insect on this earth that I didn't already mention, and stink bugs.

If you don't already know what a stink bug is, let me educate you. 

Stink bug noun - a broad, shield shaped bug that is typically brightly colored or boldly marked. It emits a foul smell when handled or molested. (their word, not mine)

And they look like this....

They're a relatively new bug. They are suspected to have come from Asia in the late 90's. And they suck. 

They are a stupid breed of insect. They fly right into you, which unfortunately for me, the entomophobic, is a big problem. They have been in my area for a few years now and I've seen some bad cases but what I am enduring now, my friends, is unlike anything I've ever dealt with before. 

I live in a small home in rural VA, surrounded by trees and grass (both of which they happen to dwell in). They are coming in my house by the hundreds. There are literally thousands on the outside of my home. They get in through cracks in windows, doors, vent fans...basically anywhere they can squeeze in. And boy can they squeeze. They turn their wretched little flat bodies sideways, squeeeeeeeze in through the crack, and crawl out the other side....into my home.

A view from the outside of my front door. My only exit.

A Typical Day in my Life

I wake up terrified every morning. Every. Single. Morning. Yesterday, I opened my eyes to a stink bug on the corner of my pillow, looking at me. Today, I woke up to one IN MY HAND. Generally, I find about 3-7 under my sheets. You know how they say that you ingest 8 spiders per year in your sleep? I think about that every morning. I wretch Every. Single. Morning. 

The window next to wear I sit on the computer.

Their favorite camp out spot. This plant was thrown away today.

I start out my day with your average, everyday bug massacre. Not an everyday bug serial murderer kinda gal/lad? You would be if you had to check your slippers every morning before putting them on and rewash your coffee pot to rid of the dead assholes inside of it. I apologize for the language, they get me really worked up.

So this bug massacre....I only perform it in the room in which I sit because I couldn't possibly get all of them. There's just too many. This is my cup from this morning's massacre:

I continue killing throughout the day. Here is an example of what it looks like after a few hours:

WRETCH. Pardon me. 

So I said I would explain the "dish soap water in a cup" trick. These little f&%*ers won't die easy. If you crush them, the odor is vomit inducing. Plus, I can't touch them. Not even through a paper towel. They don't drown in plain water so you add dish soap to the water and they're screwed. It's their kryptonite. So every morning, I scoot carefully around, with my cup of dish soap water and a fork, and I scoop em in the cup. Several times, one has landed on me whilst I attempted to scoop it. When this happens, I involuntarily thrash my arms and run, causing spillage of stink bugs. Nothing like picking up a bunch of dead, soapy stink bugs to start off your day!

After I get all within reach (that I can see), I make a cup of coffee and get in some computer time while there isn't 100 of them flying around, knocking into me. 

Next is shower time. The idea of one of them landing on my naked body terrifies me beyond belief. SO, I do a clean sweep of the bathroom, shut the door, plug the bottom with a towel, and take the fastest shower in the history of shower taking. Once finished, I check my towel for stink bugs, dry off with the quickness, tie my hair up so they won't fly into it and get stuck, and clothe myself in pants and a long sleeved hoodie so that all areas of my body that can get covered up are covered well. 

Here I am, in my 'stink bug on skin' prevention attire. Not happy.

I then attempt the rest of my day without having a complete mental breakdown and passing out from anxiety. I had a full on sobfest yesterday from the stress. 

ONE thing I failed to mention....I don't own a car. I can't leave. I am stuck in this hellhole 24/7. I can't even walk out the door without being faced with hundreds of these jerks. 

 

Luckily, I have a roommate without entomophobia. She can pick em up with her bare hands, the little trooper. If it weren't for her, I would never sleep. She takes over for the nighttime routine. She rids my sheets of them, clears 5-10 from behind each picture in the room, inspects and cleans the curtains right next to my bed, and calms my nerves with her soothing speech. She is my favorite person in the world right now. 

To conclude... I called my doctor today to make an appointment. I won't leave that office without a prescription for Xanax. This evening, my roommate is going out of her way to scoop me up and bring me with her to the grocery store so that I can get a few minutes away from this place. This horrifying, satanic place. 

NOTE: I had to finish this blog entry outside. It got too bad. Here is what I uncovered when I got outdoors...

dress up.

2 of my 3 little birds and I did some dressing up this weekend. They're tired of the same ol' tattered and torn Cinderella and Belle dresses so we went through my closet and picked out their favorites. Emma has had her eye on my "ballerina dress" for ages and Olivia couldn't have been happier with my pearls. After a little tightening here and pinning up there, we set out for some front yard play time and picture taking. I love having little girls :)

september thrifty finds.

I've recently been going through a thrift store shopaholic stage. It's amazing what you can find and it's the most satisfying feeling buying something you love for under 5 bucks. I've visited about 8 thrift shops this month and while I bought a ton more than I'm showing, these are a few of my favorites. 

Nine West shoes $2 

picture frames $7

plates $4

mug $.50

winter slippers $2

Total spent: $15.50! This could get very addictive for my tiny little budget...

rarely seen, but never forgotten.

My ex and I are both photographers. We used to set out on little adventures, spend a day or night taking hundreds of pictures and then head home and no matter what time it was or what condition we were in, we'd sit up and edit our favorites. I remember being up at 4am, playing rock paper scissors to determine who would have to run up to 711 for Red Bull so that we could continue editing until we were satisfied. 

I was backing up my old computer today and came across a folder of pictures that were never edited. It was when times were rough in our relationship and it was kind of a final attempt at going out and having a good time. But the editing was put off and put off until it was just forgotten. It made me a little sad. While things didn't work out, I still do and always will love him so much. And these were our special times. Going out and taking pictures on my own isn't quite the same without him. So while I'm not going to share this forgotten folder of images (it's just too sentimental to me and maybe I want to keep them my little secret), I thought I'd share a few of our favorites (in chronological order) over the years. Here's to you, my love....

us, on our anniversary camping trip in the Smokies,
 the night we arrived

the Smoky mountains

on a bridge in DC. he went back to the car for
something and I was terrified of being mugged.
silly little white girl :)

on a bench in DC, the night he got his 5D. twas a special one.

on the side of the road in Maine.
and we thought we missed the sunset...

me taking the picture above. he snuck one in.

nighttime in The Plains, VA.
we thought we were going to get arrested. ha.

anniversary trip in Maine.

two of our beautiful little girls at
the National Arboretum. 

the National Arboretum in DC

the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.
 I fell backwards down the stairs. Yup.

the Washington Monument, from the
World War II Memorial in Washington DC.

the Washington Monument, from the
Vietnam Memorial in Washington DC.

a reflection of the Washington Monument,
 at the Vietnam Memorial in Washington DC.

us two. <3

you tell em, Marilyn.

I adore this quote. It's honest, straight to the point, and describes me exactly.

tilapia salad sandwich.

I love tilapia sandwiches but they're so messy that I decided to whip up a tilapia salad to put on my bread instead. It was still super messy :) But pretty delicious so I thought I'd share.

Tilapia Salad Sandwich

Ingredients
Makes 4 sandwiches

Tilapia Rub
1 1/2 tbsp paprika
1/2 tbsp onion powder
1/2 tbsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp ground white pepper
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp thyme
1 pinch of celery seed
1 pinch of garlic powder

Tilpia Salad Sandwich
4 medium tilapia filets
Extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tsp cilantro
1 tbsp lemon juice
3/4 cup corn, cooked
1/4 cup diced pickles
4 hamburger rolls
Butter

1. Cover tilapia filets with tilapia rub.

2. Heat oil on medium high heat in skillet. Add filets and cook for about 3-5 minutes on each side, or until center is no longer the fish flakes easily with a fork.

3. In large bowl, combine mayonnaise, cilantro, lemon juice, corn, and diced pickles. Mix well. Add the filets and break up into flakes with fork.

4. Butter rolls and toast in skillet with leftover oil from cooking fish.

5. Serve with your favorite sandwich toppings. I would recommend lettuce, tomato, cheddar cheese, and possibly dijon mustard.


UPDATE: I  made quesadillas with the leftover tilapia salad and OH MY GOD. So good. Just drop a little butter in a frying pan, put down a flour tortilla, add shredded cheddar cheese, some tilapia salad, and a little more cheese. Top with another tortilla, flip it into some more melted butter, cut into 4 pieces, and serve with salsa, sour cream, and shredded lettuce. It was so seriously delicious. I'll make another tomorrow and take pictures. Try it!!

banana hands.

I forgot about this suuuuuuper amazing tip for soft hands until a couple nights ago. A friend of mine works at a job where his hands get so dry, he has perma-prune fingertips and his skin is cracking. So while he did not appreciate me trying this out on him, it helped! I'm so serious....TRY THIS! You'll be shocked at how soft your hands get.

Just mix together 2 mashed bananas, about 2 tablespoons of honey (I use 2 KFC honey packets since I don't keep honey on hand), and 2-3 tablespoons of melted butter. Pour the mixture into latex gloves, stick your paws in there, wrap em up to make sure the gloves don't leak all over your bed, and go catch some Z's.

You're welcome.

RIP coffee pot.

So apparently I'm not going to ponder the three things I want to remember every day (see previous post) over a cup of coffee......

Off to clean up glass and coffee grinds (and ponder) instead!

branding.

I often see things that I wish I could brand onto my brain. I was browsing the internet today for exercises on how to increase my self esteem and I saw this list of confidence ideas (full page can be found here):

• Focus on what you can control, not on what you cannot.
• Stop worrying by not thinking about how things could go wrong. Start thinking about how everything will turn out fine.
• Find a way, as often as possible, to be associated with whatever you consider to be beautiful or wonderful. 
• Find something you are passionate about and turn to it often.
• Never let yourself feel pressured.
• Don't be afraid of being wrong.

I want to remember these things every day. I want to live and breathe these ideas. But I will surely forget about them within a couple hours time if I don't actively attempt to remember them.

I thought about printing it out and hanging it somewhere so that I would see it every day. But I've done that before and it just hangs there, unread, until I realize I'm never going to read it every day and take it down.

Then I thought about setting an alarm on my phone with the list so that I am forced to look at it every day. But I have also done this before and I end up loathing the alarm and everything it represents.

Then I thought about making a photo representation of everything on the list. That way, I could see an image and associate it with the message. But how do you take a picture of "Never let yourself feel pressured?" I'm just not that creative. 

Then I remembered something I learned while studying the basics of Buddhism. Chanting. It may sound crazy to some, but hear me out. If I memorize the things that I want to practice daily and repeat them over and over during meditation, it is as close as I can get to "branding" my brain. 

So I have decided to memorize three things today. Eventually, I would like to have more, but I have trouble remembering my own phone number on a daily basis so I figured I would start out slow. The hard part is coming up with those three things, which I have yet to do. The list above is something I would definitely like to remember; however, there are so many more things. So I am off to figure out the most important ones over a cup of coffee and some sunshine...

the hard truth.

"Loving somebody don't make them love you." --Jack Johnson

"secret" pinterest board.

First let me start off by saying that I adore Pinterest. I honestly don't know where I'd be without it. We have a bit of a love affair going on. Having said that, I have one suggestion.

I feel like a girl needs a "secret" Pinterest board. My argument is this: 

I can not be posting wedding ideas all over my Facebook. I'm going through a divorce for pete's sake. But....oh my. I want another wedding!! I don't even want to be in a relationship, much less married. But look at all of these beautiful things!

Am I...

Hypocritical for me to be giddy like a little girl over pretty wedding ideas? 

Yes.

                                           

Scaring away any and all potential future dates? 

Absolutely.

But Pinterest, you make it so tempting. And I need to remember all of these things for my future, non-existent wedding!

I would get married again for this.

Ahhh. To act like a little girl again and gaze at my dazzling blue ring, sofa clad reception tables, pretty pink peonies, adorable lace invitations, stunning gown, and paper lanterns in the night sky....

My point is this: I don't want everyone thinking I'm actually planning this non-existent wedding. It would be nice to have a secret Pinterest board. Just for me. Just a suggestion :)

sunrise.

I did it! I stayed up all night to watch the sun rise. Check one off the ol' bucket list! Here are some lessons that I learned when venturing out at literally the crack of dawn to take pictures:

1. Do NOT leave cell phone and ear buds on the table. You will be wanting to listen to music on your walk. 

1. Do NOT wear flip flops. You will get a blister or two.

1. Do NOT forget to charge your camera battery before you leave. You will get very angry with yourself when it dies a mile from home.

1. Do NOT step into unknown tall grass. You will get bit by some species of bug (or quite possibly snake) and pierce the morning calm with your scream.

1. DO bring sweatshirt. The mornings can be brisk and damp and you will violently chatter your teeth the entire way if you do not.

1. DO bring your tripod. It is a little difficult to take a shot in the dark while shivering uncontrollably. 

1. DO use the bathroom before you leave on said venture. You don't want to get caught with your pants down.

The Fog.

1/60 8.0 ISO1250

Good Morning, Moon.

1/50 5.6 ISO1000

Well hello, gorgeous.

 1/30 4.0 ISO1600

Tall grass n' dew.

1/100 6.3 ISO1600

Different point of view.  

1/100 6.3 ISO640

My picture takin' partner.

1/160 6.3 ISO640

What a perfect morning. I bid you adieu. XOXOXOX

lemolo.

I was recently introduced to a new band, Lemolo, and thought they were definitely worth sharing. They're a female duet from Seattle who met while teaching kayaking and began performing together soon after. Their debut album, The Kaleidoscope, was released this July and I'm diggin em! This song is "Knives" and if you like it, you can check them out and learn more about them here. Enjoy!

.

create yourself.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." --Oscar Wilde

three little birds.

Source: indulgy.com via Kim on Pinterest

I should probably explain the three birds. As you can see, I want them tattooed on my shoulder (no, that is not me in the picture, I don't have the tattoo....yet). Those three birds represent so much in my life.

Three Little Birds is a Bob Marley song and I try my hardest to live by the meaning of it.

"Don't worry about a thing. Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

The birds also symbolize freedom. Freedom, on every level, is very important to me. 

I also have three daughters and they are my world. I want each of them to always remember the message above as well as the importance of freedom and independence. 

Why did I title my blog "Three Little Birds"? I'm not real sure. I guess it just made sense.

the beginning.

So here is where it starts. A simple girl, off to find herself with a fresh palette to paint her picture on. Hopefully I can find out a little bit about myself and share a little inspiration. 

It’s 4:00 in the morning and there are no signs of sleep on the horizon. So I’m listening to a little Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, and Nat King Cole while I scour the internet for inspiration on how to better myself, my wardrobe, and my taste buds. Of course, I will be sharing. I think I may brew a pot of coffee and watch the sun rise…

Update: I did brew up that pot of coffee. Awaiting the official kickoff of my blog. Estimated sunrise: 6:48am. T minus 2 hours and a half hours.